Yesterday, I officially hit the 24 week mark in my pregnancy. Woohoo! Viability! This means that if our daughter should choose to make an early appearance, she would have a decent chance of survival (with a little help). Ideally, she waits until her due date, but it does take a lot of stress off of me.
I have been ridiculously paranoid this pregnancy. We had a bit of a scare at the beginning when I was spotting off and on for a few weeks. I keep setting goals for myself to stop worrying. "Once we go to the 8 week ultrasound and see the heartbeat, I'll stop worrying...once we hit the end of the first trimester and the risk of miscarriage drops, I'll stop worrying...once I feel the baby move every day, I'll stop worrying...once I hit the 24 week mark, I'll stop worrying."
Newsflash: I haven't stopped worrying. Most of the time, I merrily go about my day, living my life, very excited and hopeful about this baby. But every now and then, I have a moment of panic and terror. How long has it been since she moved last? Is she okay? Did I take my prenatal vitamin? Did I eat something that could hurt my baby? Was that last physical activity too strenuous? Was that shower/bath too hot? DID I JUST KILL MY BABY?!?!?!
So far, the moments are brief and pass quickly, and I laugh at myself for overreacting. It doesn't help to read about horror stories like cervical incompetence, placental abruption, amniotic fluid leaks, etc. After I read these stories, I sit there for a while trying to figure out if I have any of those symptoms. Was that round ligament pain or the beginnings of an early labor cramp? Is my discharge waterier than usual? I don't know, what was it like before? And it doesn't end with things that could be happening to my body. I have never enjoyed driving, but suddenly it seems like the streets are filled with maniacs. Am I sitting too close to the steering wheel? Is that other car going to hit me? People in stores and other public places are suddenly crawling with infectious diseases. I just know that I am going to catch some terrible virus that could hurt my baby.
This state of paranoia is so foreign to me. I am usually a super calm, laid-back person. I know that the worrying never truly goes away, even after the baby is safely born. It just changes into a different type of worry. And I truly have relaxed a bit now that I can feel the baby move regularly and have reached the 24 week mark. And like I said, 95% of the time, I am very relaxed and excited about this pregnancy. But still...I worry.
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