What a wonderful year!

2014 has been the best year of my life thus far.  It really all comes down to Coraline.  I started this year by publicly announcing our pregnancy, and it was certainly indicative of how the rest of the year would go.  For Brian and I, 2014 was the year of the baby.

Coraline was born five and a half months ago, in July.  Yes, there have been a few sleep-deprived nights, some diaper explosions, and a fair amount of spit-up.  But I have never been happier in my life.  Cora is such an easy baby.  Brian and I know we are being spoiled by her, but being parents has brought us an incredible joy.  She has a very sunny disposition and is usually happy, smiling, and laughing.  She really only cries when she has an immediate and pressing need, like hunger, fatigue, or a dirty diaper.  She started sleeping through the night before she was two months old, all on her own without any prompting on our part.  We hope our good fortune continues!

Being a parent has colored my perspective of the world.  I go through my day more slowly, more deliberately.  I am finding great pleasure in the smallest of things.  All of Coraline's accomplishments, no matter how small, are amazing to me.  When she started to hold her head up by herself, I had an urge to take out an ad in the newspaper.  I cheered as she rolled over for the first time.  Every time she reaches for an object or stares in amazement at something new, I see it again through her eyes.  This Christmas was the most exciting one in years; it was almost as exciting as being a kid again myself.

It's interesting how 2014 is coming to a close, but I don't feel like the year is over at all.  In a way, my "year" is only half way over and won't be completed until Cora turns one.  Still, I do look forward to 2015 and everything it will bring.  If 2014 was any indication, 2015 will be awesome.

Coraline Rose - The First Month

It has been so long since I've written anything.  My life has definitely gotten much busier, and I have never been happier.  It's amazing how much of your time and energy can be taken up by someone so small.

Coraline was born on July 17, 2014.  It's been a little over a month, and already she has changed so much.  Every day, she gets a little bit bigger.  Her limbs get a little longer, her features get more defined, she spends more time awake, and she gets a little more interactive.  I'm trying to savor every moment, but sometimes it feels like the days are flying by.

Brian and I are so fortunate.  I am able to stay home, and Brian is able to do most of his work at home, only going into the school a few days a week.  Cora eats well and (usually) sleeps pretty soundly.  We are both able to spend a lot of time with her and give each other a break when we need one.  We can go out and about just as much as we could before she was born; in fact, we probably go out more than we did before she was born.  I have developed an immense respect for working moms and single parents.  I feel tired and worn out, and I have the luxury of being able to nap whenever I want during the day and a wonderful, supportive husband.  I cannot imagine being the sole parent or having to worry about job performance on top of taking care of a baby.

One of the most awesome things for me has been watching Brian be a father.  He is so wonderful, caring, and involved.  Coraline definitely loves falling asleep on his lap and cuddling with him on the couch.  I have never been happier than when the three of us are just quietly being together as a family.  We move much more slowly and things get done at a more relaxed pace, taking time to smell the roses.  Life is pretty amazing right now.

How Not To Kill Your Baby 101

So this week Brian and I went to our first Prepared Childbirth class at the hospital where we will (hopefully) be delivering.  It was kind of fun, and it was nice to meet other people who are expecting around the same time we are.  The first class was all about signs and stages of labor.  Brian and I both agreed that we didn't really learn anything we didn't already know.  I guess that's what happens when you teach a bunch of high school students about the reproductive system and make your husband watch YouTube videos while planning your lessons.

Even though we didn't really learn anything at the last class, we are really looking forward to the future classes.  Specifically, the ones where we get a tour of the maternity ward and learn infant CPR.  I'm also looking forward to the class where we get to play with a baby doll.  Sure, I've baby sat before and changed diapers, given bottles, etc., but I'm really hoping they go into more detail.  Even if they don't, it will be good to review.  I have started calling the class "How Not To Kill Your Baby 101" in my head.

Taking the class makes everything feel a bit more "real."  As in holy crap, I'm well into the third trimester and July is coming up fast kind of real.  And in a month or so I will be packing a bag to be ready to take to the hospital. 0_o Fun times!

Viability and Pregnancy Paranoia

Yesterday, I officially hit the 24 week mark in my pregnancy.  Woohoo!  Viability!  This means that if our daughter should choose to make an early appearance, she would have a decent chance of survival (with a little help).  Ideally, she waits until her due date, but it does take a lot of stress off of me.

I have been ridiculously paranoid this pregnancy.  We had a bit of a scare at the beginning when I was spotting off and on for a few weeks.  I keep setting goals for myself to stop worrying.  "Once we go to the 8 week ultrasound and see the heartbeat, I'll stop worrying...once we hit the end of the first trimester and the risk of miscarriage drops, I'll stop worrying...once I feel the baby move every day, I'll stop worrying...once I hit the 24 week mark, I'll stop worrying."

Newsflash:  I haven't stopped worrying.  Most of the time, I merrily go about my day, living my life, very excited and hopeful about this baby.  But every now and then, I have a moment of panic and terror.  How long has it been since she moved last?  Is she okay?  Did I take my prenatal vitamin?  Did I eat something that could hurt my baby?  Was that last physical activity too strenuous?  Was that shower/bath too hot?  DID I JUST KILL MY BABY?!?!?!

So far, the moments are brief and pass quickly, and I laugh at myself for overreacting.  It doesn't help to read about horror stories like cervical incompetence, placental abruption, amniotic fluid leaks, etc.  After I read these stories, I sit there for a while trying to figure out if I have any of those symptoms.  Was that round ligament pain or the beginnings of an early labor cramp?  Is my discharge waterier than usual?  I don't know, what was it like before?  And it doesn't end with things that could be happening to my body.  I have never enjoyed driving, but suddenly it seems like the streets are filled with maniacs.  Am I sitting too close to the steering wheel?  Is that other car going to hit me?  People in stores and other public places are suddenly crawling with infectious diseases.  I just know that I am going to catch some terrible virus that could hurt my baby.

This state of paranoia is so foreign to me.  I am usually a super calm, laid-back person.  I know that the worrying never truly goes away, even after the baby is safely born.  It just changes into a different type of worry.  And I truly have relaxed a bit now that I can feel the baby move regularly and have reached the 24 week mark.  And like I said, 95% of the time, I am very relaxed and excited about this pregnancy.  But still...I worry.

The Last Vacation

This week Brian and I went down to Charleston for his Spring Break.  Despite the cold, rainy weather, it was a lovely relaxing trip.  We got to see Fort Sumter, see Grandma Zinser, and tour the aquarium.  We ate delicious food that I didn't have to prepare, and in the mornings and evenings we could look out over the harbor and enjoy the view.  It was a much-needed break for both of us, and the relaxed pace was great for my lower energy levels.

It was a bittersweet vacation.  This will be the last vacation where it is just the two of us for many, many years.  From now until our daughter comes, all of our other trips will be to visit and stay with family.  After our daughter comes, we will be bringing her along for many years to come.  We are so excited to start this new chapter in our lives, but we are still a little bit sad to see this one end.

And so we begin to prepare for our little bundle of joy to arrive.  We have already received some clothes and blankets and started to clear out the craft room (soon to be a nursery).  I have been feeling her move inside me, sometimes with gentle flutters, sometimes with strong, forceful kicks (those have been getting more frequent).  It took us a while to settle on a name, but we finally did, and now we speak to her and sing to her.  We decided to keep the name a secret until she is born for several reasons.  First, we wanted something to be a surprise when she is born.  Second, if people don't like the name, they won't be as likely to tell us if it's already done.  And finally, if we change our minds between now and then, there won't be any awkward questions.

Sometimes it seems like July will never get here, and sometimes it feels like it is right around the corner.  I have to think about time in terms of the next doctor's appointment (every 4 weeks), or I would go crazy.  I will miss these little vacations with just Brian.  I will miss being able to travel on a whim at the drop of a hat.  But I am more than happy to trade those things in for a life with our daughter.

Snow in the South

What a lovely snow day we had today!  We got about 2 inches of snow last night, and of course we threw on some warm clothes and went out with the dogs to enjoy it as it fell.  Snow doesn't come too often around here, and we tend to get excited when it does.  This morning when we woke up, the snow was already melting a bit, but we had fun playing fetch with the dogs while we could.  Brian got to stay home with me all day, which was lovely.

I have a lot of friends and relatives who are from/currently living in the North or Midwest.  They tend to get a lot more snow than we do, and they also tend to laugh at us for shutting everything down for what they consider to be a "dusting."  Many adults in these areas look at snow with feelings of dread and disgust; a bit of bad weather that has to be dealt with.  Personally, I love watching the South react to snow.  Sure, everything grinds to a halt, but usually only for a day or two.  Yes, many people don't know how to drive in snow, causing backups and accidents.  And yes, many people rush out to buy bread and milk, which I've never understood.  Why are you buying something that needs refrigeration if you think the power is going to go out?  Also, why isn't everyone doing what I do, and stockpiling two weeks worth of food minimum at all times?  (I know, most people aren't that paranoid.)

But the positive side is that we all get a much needed break.  Sometimes I wonder if we react this way on purpose so that we can all have a snow day.  There usually isn't enough snow to cause any damage and it melts away quickly enough so we don't have to deal with that ugly grey slush.  Then we get to go back to having better weather than most of the country, and it is our turn to laugh at them.

Bonnie and Whiskey enjoying the snow...they absolutely
loved it and kept eating it as much as they could.

Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone...

So a little over a week ago I went in to get my 12 week check-up with my OB/GYN.  In addition to the fun stuff (getting an ultrasound), I had to go through some not-so-fun tests.  I had to do a glucose test, which involved drinking a little bottle of horrible tasting sugar water and then getting blood drawn an hour later.  While they were drawing blood for the glucose test, they went ahead and drew blood for a bunch of other tests.  As someone who really, REALLY hates needles, this was not pleasant.

A few days later, I got a phone call with my results.  Almost everything looked normal, except for two things.  First, my MMR vaccine that I had gotten as a child has partially worn off and I am now vulnerable to getting rubella.  This is a little scary, as I am a person who usually keeps up to date with her vaccines and I was totally not expecting this.  But it really isn't that big of a deal.  I just have to avoid catching the disease until after I give birth, and I will get a booster in the hospital.  Secondly, there was a trace of bacteria in my urine that looked like it could turn into a UTI, and I was prescribed a mild antibiotic (Amoxicillin). I was also advised to avoid dairy as much as possible while on the antibiotic.

To be honest, when I got the phone call I was way more worried about the vaccination wearing off than having to take an antibiotic.  How hard could it be to go dairy free?  I know plenty of people who are vegans, and they seem to like their diet (but no way am I eating tofu or soy, blech).  The only concern I had was alternate sources of calcium, because pregnant women really need a lot of calcium.  We went to the grocery store and stocked up on cranberry juice (fortified with calcium, of course) and some orange juice that was calcium fortified as well.  What I didn't realize is how much dairy I normally consume in a given day.

I almost always start the day with a bowl of cereal.  I don't even eat the sugary stuff, I tend to stick to Crispix or Cheerios.  Since I got pregnant, I've been trying to add a little healthiness to my breakfast, so I will put some blueberries on top, which is delicious.  I cannot abide to eat a whole bowl of cereal dry or with any other fluid than milk, so that was out.  My alternate breakfast for the days we run out of milk is usually a bagel with cream cheese.  I sometimes snack on a cup of yogurt, which I can no longer do.  I love to put cheese on my sandwiches, but I've had to stick to the peanut butter and jelly variety.

It is amazing how many of my dinner recipes use dairy.  I thought "Oh, I'll make spaghetti."  What kind of sauce do we have in the house?  Three cheese.  You say broccoli is an excellent source of calcium?  Excellent, I'll make my ham and broccoli casserole!  Oh wait, I won't because it uses CREAM of broccoli soup and cheddar CHEESE.  No ordering pizza, no ice cream, no glass of milk, nothing.  I have been able to find recipes that don't use dairy, so we aren't starving or anything.  I have just been having ridiculous dairy cravings all week.

I never realized how much dairy I actually consume.  I miss it, and I can't wait to be allowed to eat it again in a few more days.  Calcium-fortified orange juice tastes awful.

Good news, everyone!

Brian and I are finally pregnant!  I have been avoiding writing any blog posts for the past couple of months because all I really wanted to talk about was our super exciting news.  At long last, we have passed the 12-week mark and are finally in the "safe-zone" of the pregnancy (although I know that there is no such thing as a truly "safe-zone").

We are so, so excited for this pregnancy.  We have been trying to get pregnant for quite some time, and it finally happened.  DISCLAIMER:  From this point forward, this post will contain details of our efforts to become pregnant.  I'll gloss over the disgusting stuff when I can, but you have been warned.  Read at your own risk.

Our story actually starts about three years ago; a year after we were married.  I had missed a period, but I wasn't too concerned because the pregnancy test I took came back negative and I was in the middle of finals at the time.  It was not unheard of for me to miss a period due to stress, so I thought nothing of it and figured it would come when it was supposed to the following month.  And indeed, I did get my period when I expected it that next month.  Brian and I were on vacation in Florida at the time, going to Busch Gardens and Sea World.  The period was exceptionally heavy, but I chalked it up to having missed the last one.  Then I ran out of all of the pads I had brought on the vacation.  This was odd, because I had packed way more than I would have needed out of an abundance of caution.  I started mentally counting back the days and realized I had been bleeding pretty heavily for a week and a half.  I freaked out and made Brian take me to an Urgent Care Center in Florida.

The doctor there tested me to make sure I wasn't pregnant.  Then he advised me to see an OB/GYN as soon as we got home, but said that I probably didn't have to worry about anything.  We went home a few days later, and I made an appointment with the first doctor that could see me right away.  She diagnosed me with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).  Fortunately, I didn't have the symptom that the condition was named after, so no cysts on my ovaries.  The bad news was that my ovaries were not producing mature eggs and therefore not making the hormones that should control my menstrual cycle.  I ended up taking artificial hormones to control my cycle and make the bleeding stop, but for the next couple of years I would go through the awful cycle of a few months of no bleeding and then bleeding for several straight weeks.

About a year ago, Brian and I decided we would like to have a baby.  My doctor recommended using ovulation strips for a few months to see if my body had started to ovulate on its own.  Three months later, we confirmed that it had not.  And so began the cycles of Clomid and Metformin.  We went through six cycles of Clomid, but I never got any real results.  Some months I wouldn't have any follicles on my ovaries.  Some months I would have one or two shrimpy, dinky follicles.  On those months, I would get a shot of Ovadrel in my stomach to try to coax those follicles into releasing an egg.  No dice.  Finally, my doctor suggested I switch to Femara.  On the first round of Femara and Metformin, we had success!  A large, healthy follicle appeared on my ovary.  I got my shot of Ovadrel in the stomach, Brian and I went home to do our part, and two weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test.

We were over the moon with happiness.  We decided not to let anyone know just yet in case we miscarried.  Indeed, we had a few scares.  I had some bouts of spotting and cramping that had me convinced I was losing the baby, but each time it stopped after a few hours.  We finally went in for our 8-week ultrasound and heard the heartbeat.  We knew that reduced the risk of miscarriage to 3-5%, so we finally felt safe enough to tell our families, but we held off on the more public Facebook announcement.  Two weeks later, I started to cramp really badly.  It was far worse than any menstrual pain I had ever experienced.  The cramps were continuous and lasted for four hours, at which point I called the doctor and asked her to check on the baby.  Obviously, everything was fine and the baby was healthy, but the cramps continued when I got home.  In fact, they were so bad that I threw up from the pain (the only vomiting I have done thus far in the pregnancy).  The next morning, they were gone, and I've not had any since.  My doctor said that sometimes these things happen in a pregnancy and not to worry about it.

Yesterday, I went in for the 12-week appointment.  The baby was growing right on schedule and had a strong, healthy heartbeat.  I finally felt confident enough to tell the world that we were pregnant and due in July.

Having PCOS has definitely affected how I am experiencing this pregnancy.  I know that I don't have it as bad as other people.  I only had to try for a little over a year before I was pregnant.  I've read some infertility blogs and forums where people have been trying for over ten years to have a child.  But even my own relatively short struggle has made me truly appreciate this pregnancy.  I had a few weeks of extreme nausea and exhaustion.  Even as I nursed my ginger ale and nibbled on crackers on the couch, I whispered a prayer of thanks for this pregnancy.  Every ache, cramp, midnight trip to the toilet, sore breast, random crying meltdown, and food aversion is completely and totally worth it.  I am (hopefully) through the worst of the early pregnancy symptoms as I finish up my first trimester, but I embrace and enjoy all of them.  Yes, even the nausea and the inability to go without a nap or two.

So, the housework went undone for a few weeks, and there were several nights when Brian had to make his own dinner (because I couldn't stand the smell of food and I was too tired to make it).  He was a champ and completely catered to my every pregnant whim.  He also got a little over-protective about me lifting things, but I'm not complaining because I get to sit back and take it easy.  I think my favorite part of this whole thing is to watch how excited he is to be a father.  For a while there, I felt incredibly guilty for not being able to get pregnant, like I had somehow "cheated" my husband out of a family. (Brian did not see it this way, it was all in my paranoid little mind.)  Fertility is definitely something I had taken for granted.  My mother comes from a large family, and there always seems to be a new birth or two each year.  I had always assumed that when I wanted kids, I would be able to have them relatively easily and without medical intervention.  Obviously, that was not the path that God chose for me.

Sometimes I wonder how many children I will be able to have.  Will I have to try so hard for any subsequent pregnancies?  Will Femara work for me again, or will I have to try something else?  But for the most part, I try to focus on and enjoy the pregnancy I have.  I try to save my wondering for this baby...will it be a boy or a girl?  Who will it look like?  What kind of person is growing inside of me?  I guess I will have to wait and find out.